I am Still Lost But I Hold On to God's Promise

Dear Daddy,

I am now lost again. I keep committing the same old sins that I used to do.

Although I’m still trying to be good but when I’m alone, it seems impossible to do. As I reflect, I try my best to understand that root causes of my addictions.

I know one of the causes is because I had a difficult childhood, but when I look at deep inside my heart I know I have already forgiven my father. So what is now that’s fueling my addiction?

Is it loneliness? Am I angry inside? Am I afraid of something? Do I feel unworthy to be loved?

The list of questions could go on and on, but still I am not able to pinpoint the source of my addictions.

Though I know one thing that is for sure, and that’s God’s love for me. It may seem weird but after all of the sins I have done, I still comeback to you Dad. Though I would to think that I am sorry, but I guess that’s not always the case. Sometimes it could be the feeling of guilt, and sometimes it’s my conscience that bothers me, that’s most of the reasons that I really come back to you.

For a human like me, I guess that won’t be enough if ever someone has sinned against me, but for you Lord, it seems to be enough.

I really don’t know why, but I think you’re okay with it. Now that’s real LOVE. Love that is unconditional and unfailing.

I just pray Dad, that someday I will be fully worthy of that love. For now, I continue to be a humble servant that as your forgiveness. Have mercy on me Father for I am a sinner.

I ask your forgiveness Lord, through the mighty name of my brother Jesus.

Amen.

RJB